Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Mystery of the Wandering Member

This has been on my mind since the end of February, when I laughingly began making these connections in the comments section of The Secret Sun post "Shekinah Rising: The Missile Defense Logo." Before I get too far ahead of myself, let me say that this post owes much to the inspirational work done by Christopher Knowles. Be sure to subscribe to his blog if you don't already. You'll thank me in the morning.

Now, travel back in time with me to that day in February when Knowles was writing his bit about the missile defense logo and it's connections to Egyptian mythology. On the same day, perhaps echoing the "Birthing Pains" spoken of in one of our earliest posts, the actor Andrew Koenig, best known for his role on the show "Growing Pains" was found dead in Vancouver while the Olympic games were taking place there. If the site of the Olympics makes you think of Olympian gods and more mythology, then you're likely to follow this post through.

Andrew Koenig has ties to "Star Trek" in that his dad played Chekov on the original TV series and he had a role on "Deep Space Nine." That, and he starred opposite a "Kirk" in what is probably his most famous role - that of Richard "Boner" Stabone on Growing Pains. If you know the show, you knew him simply as "Boner" - but his character's name really was a trifecta of penis references. Dick is another way of saying Richard. Boner is just that. And Stabone - stab bone??

From HuffPo:

The native of Venice, California, hadn't been seen since Feb. 14, while visiting friends in Vancouver.

He was supposed to return home two days later. His parents reported him missing Feb. 18, then asked the public for help finding him a few days later.

On Tuesday, Vancouver police and three search-and-rescue teams looked for any signs of Koenig throughout Stanley Park, which covers more than 1,000 acres (400 hectares). Friends and family decided to try again on their own Thursday and one of them found Koenig's body near a marsh in a heavily wooded area about 100 feet (30 meters) off the Bridle Path. McGuinness said the body could not be seen from the walking path.

The elder Koenig, who played Pavel Chekov on the original "Star Trek" TV series, was nearby when the body was found. Hours later, Koenig and his wife, Judith, issued a statement at a police station in the park.

As I wrote that day, the lost and found "Boner" got me thinking about King Tut - whose body and dna was back in the news in February with headlines such as "King Tut's DNA reveals a more manly Pharaoh." The case of the missing boner got me all hot and bothered thinking about Tut because, you see, King Tut's penis was just rediscovered back in 2006 after a few decade search, inspiring such headlines as "Under the bandages King Tut is all man."

ABC wrote: "His sexual organ has been just another puzzle in the story of the best-known pharaoh of ancient Egypt. Harry Burton (1879-1940) photographed the royal penis intact during Howard Carter's excavation of King Tut's tomb in 1922. But it was reported missing in 1968, when UK scientist Professor Ronald Harrison took a series of x-rays of the mummy. There was speculation that the penis had been stolen and sold.
"Instead, it has always been there. I found it during the CT scan last year, when the mummy was lifted. It lay loose in the sand around the king's body. It was mummified," says Professor Zahi Hawass, chief of Egypt's Supreme Council of Antiquities.

Without going into any of the many mysteries and perhaps conspiracies surrounding Zahi Hawass - it sure does seem par for the course that he of all people would come out and claim that it was always there. We've also always been at war with Eurasia - or haven't you heard?
Anyway, the TimesOnline writes:
"When a team from Liverpool University X-rayed the body in 1968, about 3,300 years after the 19-year-old king’s death, they could find no sign of his penis. There was speculation that it had been stolen and sold to a private collector. There are people who do collect such things."

Indeed there are quite a few weirdos who would want Tut's johnson (sorta like the Nihilists in The Big Lebowski come to think of it - which is another sync as my girlfriend is performing in a stage adaptation of said movie).

Back in February, when I was thinking about all this in the context of the Missile Defense Logo, I laughed remembering that the song "Detachable Penis" was performed by a band called King Missile! A comment from an individual using the handle "LD" pointed out to me that: "According to what Chris wrote, Koenig means "King." So, there is another sync with King Tut....Also, Koenig's parents were scheduled to be on Larry KING's show and walked out before the interview."

Okay, so we have the king, the boner and the missile all in place. But, wait, it gets better.

Per Newsweek:
Tut’s tomb contained canes and what the scientists call “an afterlife pharmacy,” supporting the idea that he suffered from a condition that hobbled him."

Lyrics from "Detachable Penis"??
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes

I laughed once more thinking there was a funny connection, but nothing too heavy. Then I recalled how the story played out for King Missile and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.
I had to buy it off him.
He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen."

*If you're new to the mystery of the number 17 see Knowles and StrangeEye.
Here's a teaser:
1 * 17 = 17 = 8
2 * 17 = 34 = 7
3 * 17 = 51 = 6
4 * 17 = 68 = 14 = 5
5 * 17 = 85 = 13 = 4
6 * 17 = 102 = 3
7 * 17 = 119 = 11 = 2
8 * 17 = 136 = 10 = 1
9 * 17 = 153 = 9
10 * 17 = 170 = 8
11 * 17 = 187 = 16 = 7
12 * 17 = 204 = 6
13 * 17 = 221 = 5
14 * 17 = 238 = 13 = 4
15 * 17 = 255 = 12 = 3
16 * 17 = 272 = 11 = 2
17 * 17 = 289 = 19 = 10 = 1

But this is a post about phalluses not seventeens so let's move right along. Wiki gives us this fun tidbit: "John Holmes was to the adult film industry what Elvis was to rock 'n' roll. He simply was The King." Cinematographer Bob Vosse in the documentary Wadd: The Life and Times of John C. Holmes. ...That's better.

Here are some more scientists talking shop about old dead ding-dongs:
"But according to mummy expert Dr Eduard Egarter Vigl, the pharaoh was built normally. Egarter is caretaker of Ötzi the Iceman, the world's oldest and best-preserved mummy, and was also a member of the Egyptian-led research team that examined King Tut's CT scan images.
"The pharaoh's sex organ is clearly visible in Burton's pictures. All was normal in King Tut. The penis is a highly vascularised organ and shrinks when it is mummified. Actually, King Tut has been flattered by the embalmers' work. There is no comparison with Ötzi's penis," says Egarter.
Ötzi's natural mummification and dehydration in an Alpine glacier produced a "collapse of the genitalia", which left the Iceman with an almost invisible member.
"He would not make a bella figura today," Egarter says.

Ouch! This Egarter guy must be a John Holmes himself to talk that way. But, the "collapse of the genitalia" gets us back to our main mystery. Where are all these penises going?

Chris Knowles (told you he was full of info) also recently pointed me to the work of Adam Gorightly. Mr. Gorightly writes in his article about the psychonaut John Lilly:
During his psychedelic research of the early Sixty's, Lilly was one of the early pioneers in charting the inner landscapes of the human brain with LSD inside his self-developed isolation tank. Within those dark, still waters of the soul, Lilly ingested heroic doses of acid and delved deep into his mind to imprint and re-program his mental circuits toward enlightenment and self-realization. But where LSD had failed in defeating the migraine problem, Ketamine had now apparently succeeded.....
Nonetheless, this close brush with the grim reaper's scythe didn't deter Lilly from further solo flights on K; it only reaffirmed his deeply held conviction that his life was being watched over by higher powers of an extraterrestrial origin. Lilly referred to this network of sublime entities as ECCO, an acronym for "Earth Coincidence Control Office." Lilly was positive that all of these fortuitous coincidences in his life (such as Halecki's life-saving phone call) had been arranged by higher forces; and that whatever unfortunate folly fell into his path along the road to knowledge, ECCO would be there to guide him safely through the tunnel to the light.
But ECCO was not there only to guide Lilly unfettered through his mind-bending research; these extraterrestrial benefactors were also there to test Lilly, to help him overcome his deepest darkest fears with psychic-shock therapy. One evening after a kick-ass shot of K, Lilly sat watching TV when an alien representative of ECCO appeared and — with some advanced form of psychic surgery — bloodlessly removed John's penis, nonchalantly handing it over to him. "They've cut off my penis," Dr. Lilly exclaimed. His wife Toni came to the rescue and pointed out to John that his penis was still intact. Upon closer examination of his male member, Lilly saw that the ET's had replaced his normal human penis with a mechanical version that could become voluntary erect when he wanted it to. An hour later, after the effects of the K wore off, John Lilly found his normal human penis in place of the mechanical one, exactly where it had always been.

If you watch this video series with Lilly, you'll see that he believes the encounter was a test - a necessary confrontation with his fears of emasculation. What I find interesting is the replacement - that mechanical member - that seems to echo a deeper mythology.

Perhaps more famous that Tut and even John Holmes in the underpants department was Osiris. In the legend of Osiris and Isis, the jealous Set kills Osiris the first time around, but it doesn't quite take thanks to the meddling of Isis and the Queen of Byblos (and presumably those meddling kids and their dog). So Set finds Osiris' coffin, takes the body out and dismembers the corpse into 14 pieces, scattering them across Egypt. Isis does a treasure hunt, finds 13 of the 14, and decides that's close enough to put him back together, mostly complete. The 14th piece that she doesn't get? You guessed it: His johnson!
So what is a lady to do with a dead god that she wants to get freaky with? She makes a metallic phallus out of gold!!

Osiris is resurrected - Horus is conceived with the make-shift member and everyone lives happily ever. But it's not the end. No, no, no dear reader.

What really made me jump back into this topic, and write this post in full-frontal detail is yet another sync to this mystery. In our last post, March Madness, the Vonnegut book "TimeQuake" resonated strongly, so I decided to give it a re-read. Now, this book is a treasure-trove of synchro-wonders and fascinating numerology, but there's a scene in there that tops them all (at least as far as this post is concerned).

TimeQuake Page 90:
When Trout was zapped back to a line outside a blood bank in San Diego, California, in 1991, he could remember how his story about the guy with his head between his legs and his ding-dong atop his neck, "Albert Hardy," would end. But he couldn't write that finale for ten years, until free will kicked in again. Albert Hardy would be blown to pieces while a soldier in the Second Battle of the Somme in World War One.
Albert Hardy's dogtags wouldn't be found. His body parts would be reassembled as though he had been like everybody else, with his head atop his neck. He couldn't be given back his ding-dong. To be perfectly frank, his ding-dong wouldn't have been what you might call the subject of an exhaustive search.
Albert Hardy would be buried under an Eternal Flame in France, in the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, "normal at last."

So is that where all this begins? Are the wandering members echoing Osiris and his eternal search for his ding-dong? Are all those giant Masonic obelisks an attempt to fashion him a new one, like Isis did? I sure as heck don't know.
But my heart goes out to all the previous owners of members that have wandered off into the great unknown.

1 comment:

  1. Wow.......I've only had a quick read of this, but it is mind-blowing or 'penis-shattering'!
    I'll get back to reading the whole blog when I've finished work.
    Brilliant work and very interesting...


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